Loneliness after losing my Mum

[kerber]

I lost my Mum in October. I feel so alone. I rang my Mum at a minimum once a week, most of the time it was about 4/5 times a week. We were so close, we’d talk about everything. My husband tries really hard to be there for me but he just doesn’t understand what I’m going through. And due to other complicated circumstances we now live almost 2hrs from each other, I miss him so much during the week. We try to see each other every weekend, it’s hard when we both work weekends. I have 3 siblings and I still don’t think they get how I feel. I was the closest to our Mum. My older sister won’t return my calls or texts, I’ve done nothing wrong but try to be supportive of everyone around me going through the grief of losing her, my 3 kids included. I haven’t cried around any of them and have checked in regularly to see how they are doing but I’m losing it now. I’ve held it together for so long and now I’m either really angry or really sad all the time. I feel like I’ve lost everyone not just my Mum. The loneliness really gets me down more than anything. How do others cope with this?

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[VM-Selazni]

Hi @kerber,

It’s been a little time now since your post and so I hope that you’re well. I’m sorry to hear of your loss. It’s difficult to lose someone as significant as your mum. And then also to feel like you’ve been cut off from your older sister, and your other siblings, and also having to support those around you who are also going through a grieving process. That’s a lot for you to deal with and, especially, when your husband (who sounds like a very supportive person!) is so physically distant from you and unable to be a comforting physical presence for you at the moment.

Feelings of sadness and anger sound very natural. After all, you’re going through this grief too and it’s a strain to maintain an emotional stability for others whilst feeling like you’re getting very little in return. VM_mochi and VM-flo have listed some ideas for tackling these feelings and your sense of isolation and I do hope that you’ve been able to feel a little more connected to others since your original post. Our Griefline listeners are here to listen if you want to reach out and chat. As well, I hope that you’ve been able to reach out to some close friends in this time. It’s not necessary for socialising to be constant or hours on end to be of benefit when you’re lonely. Even catching up for a quick coffee and discussing absolutely nothing in particular can be so nice and help you feel connected without feeling drained. Other connections will never replace your mum (it sounds as if your connection was a special one and cherished!) but can be of some comfort during hard times.

Please feel free to let us know how you’re getting on (if you feel up to it).
Take care, kerber.

[VM_mochi]

Hello Kerber,

I hear how much you miss your mum and how deeply you’re feeling her loss. It’s completely understandable that you feel alone, even with family and your husband around — grief is so personal, and others often can’t fully grasp what you’re going through.

Holding everything together for your kids and siblings can build up a lot of pressure, so feeling sadness, anger, or overwhelm now is very normal. It doesn’t mean you’ve done anything wrong — it just shows how much you loved your mum.

Sometimes small moments just for you can help — a walk, journaling, or sharing here. You’re not alone: many people here understand what it’s like to feel isolated even when surrounded by family.

I’m curious, what helps you feel even a little comfort during the week? And is there anything you’d like support with from others who’ve navigated similar feelings?

Thank you for taking a brave step by posting — sharing here helps you and others feel less alone.

[VM-flo]

Dear Kerber
I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your mum, I can’t imagine how this would feel, losing your best friend.
It sounds like you had a beautiful, strong and supportive relationship with your mum, and I can hear how much she meant to you.

It also sounds like you are experiencing the loss of not having your husband around and not being able to see him every day would be challenging. You are there for your family, but no one seems to be supporting you.
Reaching out here is a great way to see how others may be moving through their grief. If you are up to speaking to someone, please reach out to the helpline: 1300 845 745 (AEST) between 8am and 8pm.

Everyone has their own unique way of grieving and coping, and there is no right or wrong way to navigate loss. Quite often in the months after a significant loss, it can feel the most isolating. Keeping a self-care routine can be one way of making sure you are helping yourself.
Griefline also offers support groups online which may help connect with like-minded people: https://griefline.org.au/get-help/bereavement-support-groups/

Thank you for reaching out during this difficult time, you are not alone and we are here to listen.

[Author]

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