Loss of our 9 year old cat

[mandyp]

We adopted Puffin from a foster carer and he was such a beautiful snuggly boy. I have chronic pain and he knew when I wasn’t well and always looked after me.
He had some anxiety so we helped each other. Apart from teeth issues a couple of times, he had no other health problems and we thought he would live to an old age. At the end of July we had a tragic diagnosis of myeloma and the vet said it was very unlucky as it’s rare. We treated him with prednisolone a steroid and he started eating again and seemed ok, but deteriorated at the beginning of November. We knew he wouldn’t survive, but didn’t realise the emptiness we would feel. He was a special cat, you could say an emotional therapy animal so didn’t deserve such an awful diagnosis. Now he’s not here, we feel it every morning to late at night. And, I feel very angry right now too. We have organised to have a decorative urn and a paw print to remember him, and may also plant a tree. Last time we adopted fairly soon afterwards as our house is very quite without the footprints and meows. The sense of loneliness is very high, and just like none of the daily stuff matters. I did read it might be good to write a letter to our cat that passed, so I might try this.

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[VM-Fern]

Hi @mandyp.
While I was reading your post about the sad loss of Puffin – one of those special animals who can sense when their humans are not well or suffering – I noticed you mentioning being angry and that certainly resonated with me. Anger is one of the “classic” emotions associated with grief yet is often not talked about. My family lost our special little cat also at age 9, and also from cancer (on the lip), and she had also been treated with steroids. When we returned after our horrible trip to the vet my son suddenly became very angry. I think we all were too, to a lesser degree. I think we might have felt cheated of another 9 years of life with her, cats are supposed to live to 17 or 18 and the whole thing seemed so unfair. He went outside and pounded the trampoline a few times, which really helped him. Losing a beloved animal that knows when you need support leaves a really big hole.

[VM-Selazni]

Hi @mandyp
I’m so sorry for your loss. Losing a pet like Puffin is extremely painful. We love them so much and they occupy such a special place in our lives. And when a cat dies it can be so troubling because, as you say, it happens so quickly sometimes and we may say our goodbyes but cats can’t say it back to us. When my cat died it left such an unsettling feeling of things “being left open”. What was helpful for me was the idea that cats communicate with us not through words but actions and remembering how much I loved her and how much she loved me. It sounds like you’re making beautiful plans to remember Puffin by organising a lovely urn and paw print. I love the idea of planting a tree as well; seeing something grow in honour of Puffin might make it feel like a continuation of his life, in a way. In my opinion, that helps the sense of “things being left open” because, in a way, things have been left open (in a way of your choosing!).
Puffin sounds like a glorious cat and a very special person for you. As VM-MistOnTheLake has commented, the Griefline listeners are here to listen if you wanted to telephone and talk about Puffin. The loss of a pet is sometimes (very unfairly!) dismissed and diminished by the people in our life but I’m sure that the Griefline listeners would be very happy to hear about Puffin if you should like to telephone.

Please let us know how you get on, mandyp, if you feel capable.
Take care.

[VM- VioletH]

Hi @mandyp,
It sounds like you and Puffin had a deep emotional connection not just as companions, but as emotional supports for each other. Puffin understood when you felt anxious and unwell, and was always there for you. That kind of bond is very profound, and losing it can leave a huge space in your life.
Puffin was a source of comfort, intuition, and love, especially during your hardest moments. It makes complete sense that his absence has left that feeling of emptiness, and you deeply miss his energy and personality in your home. Even when we expect the loss, it doesn’t always prepare us for what happens afterwards. The loss feels just as difficult as if it was sudden. Feeling that emptiness is also a sign of how much space Puffin held in your life.

The urn, the paw print, and the idea of planting a tree those are such loving and tender ways to honour Puffin’s memory and keep his presence close.
And writing a letter to Puffin as another way to express what’s in your heart the love, the grief, the gratitude, even the anger sounds like it may be a way acknowledge all of the emotions your going through.

You mentioned you’re thinking of giving a home to another cat through adoption. From what you have shared it sounds like you would give a wonderful home to a cat in need.

[VM_astan]

Hi Mandyp, I am really sorry to hear about the loss of Puffin. Pets are such a huge part of our lives and so the loss of them, especially when unexpected, is an extremely tough experience. Feeling angry is a normal part of experiencing grief, you have had something you love taken away from you and that hurts. I think that the urn you have organised and the idea to plant a tree are lovely ways to remember Puffin. Writing a letter is also a good idea and it can be helpful sometimes to get your feelings down on paper. I just want to stress that the emotions you’re feeling at the moment are very normal after such a significant loss, and doing some of the things you mentioned to remember Puffin will gradually help you process what you’re feeling right now. It sounds like he was lucky to have such a caring owner as yourself. If you want to talk to someone a bit more about how you’re feeling, you can call can call us between 8am and 8pm (AEST) seven days a week on 1300 845 745.

[VM-MistOnTheLake]

MandyP, I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your beautiful Puffin. He sounds like he was a very special cat and that you were a special support to each other. Our pets are such important and much-loved part of our lives; the sense of loneliness and loss you are feeling is quite normal and understandable. It must have been such a shock to find out that Puffin was so ill and to lose him so much earlier than you expected. it is never easy to lose a pet, but losing Puffin in this way would be so difficult. Writing a letter to Puffin is a beautiful idea and it can sometimes be quite cathartic to put our feelings on paper. If you need to talk, we are here to listen. You can call us between 8am and 8pm (AEST) seven days per week on 1300 845 745. We also have some resources on pet loss that you can look at https://griefline.org.au/resources/losing-a-pet/.

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