Building Confidence and Overcoming SelfDoubt

I was shadowing a coaching client in her leadership meeting when I watched this brilliant woman apologize six times in 30 minutes. 1. “Sorry, this might be off-topic, but..." 2. “I'm could be wrong, but what if we..." 3. “Sorry again, I know we're running short on time..." 4. “I don't want to step on anyone's toes, but..." 5. “This is just my opinion, but..." 6. “Sorry if I'm being too pushy..." Her ideas? They were game-changing. Every single one. Here's what I've learned after decades of coaching women leaders: Women are masterful at reading the room and keeping everyone comfortable. It's a superpower. But when we consistently prioritize others' comfort over our own voice, we rob ourselves, and our teams, of our full contribution. The alternative isn't to become aggressive or dismissive. It's to practice “gracious assertion": • Replace "Sorry to interrupt" with "I'd like to add to that" • Replace "This might be stupid, but..." with "Here's another perspective" • Replace "I hope this makes sense" with "Let me know what questions you have" • Replace "I don't want to step on toes" with "I have a different approach" • Replace "This is just my opinion" with "Based on my experience" • Replace "Sorry if I'm being pushy" with "I feel strongly about this because" But how do you know if you're hitting the right note? Ask yourself these three questions: • Am I stating my needs clearly while respecting others' perspectives? (Assertive) • Am I dismissing others' input or bulldozing through objections? (Aggressive) • Am I hinting at what I want instead of directly asking for it? (Passive-aggressive) You can be considerate AND confident. You can make space for others AND take up space yourself. Your comfort matters too. Your voice matters too. Your ideas matter too. And most importantly, YOU matter. @she.shines.inc #Womenleaders #Confidence #selfadvocacy

🚫 Most women don’t lack ambition. What we lack is a clear transition between the rules for girls and the rules for leaders. 📉 People say, “Women need to advocate for themselves.” But they forget: many of us were raised to follow rules in childhood that no longer serve us in adulthood As girls, we were taught: ⁉️ Speak up? You’re showing off. ⁉️ Take credit? You’re selfish. ⁉️ Push back? You’re difficult. Then suddenly, somewhere between girlhood and leadership, the expectations flipped, But no one told us when the switch happened. So we get stuck between two rulebooks: 🤔 Be humble. But be visible. 🤔 Be kind. But be powerful. 🤔 Be modest. But get promoted. And when we hesitate, they say it’s because we’re not confident enough. But really, it’s because we’re playing a game where the rules keep changing. Here are five things I have learned and actually work: 🔁 𝗦𝗽𝗲𝗮𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘂𝗽 𝗶𝘀𝗻’𝘁 𝗷𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘁𝗼𝗱𝗮𝘆. It shapes who you get to become tomorrow. Think long-term. Act like your future depends on it, because it does. 🧹 𝗦𝘁𝗼𝗽 𝗰𝗹𝗲𝗮𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘂𝗽 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝘀𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝗺𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝗽𝗲𝗼𝗽𝗹𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗳𝗼𝗿𝘁𝗮𝗯𝗹𝗲. You’re not interrupting. You’re contributing. Say what you mean. Own your space. 👀 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗸 𝗱𝗼𝗲𝘀𝗻’𝘁 𝘀𝗽𝗲𝗮𝗸 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗶𝘁𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳. People do. And it’s your job to make sure the right ones are paying attention. 📊 𝗧𝗿𝗮𝗰𝗸 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝘄𝗶𝗻𝘀 𝗶𝗻 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗹 𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲. Don’t wait until year-end reviews when the memory has faded. Keep a running list of results, decisions, and moments where you moved the needle. If you can’t name your impact, no one else will. 📅 𝗩𝗶𝘀𝗶𝗯𝗶𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘆 𝗶𝘀 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗮 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘆 𝘁𝗿𝗮𝗶𝘁. 𝗜𝘁’𝘀 𝗮 𝗰𝗮𝗹𝗲𝗻𝗱𝗮𝗿 𝗶𝘁𝗲𝗺. Block time each week to share progress, build alliances, and remind people what you’re leading. If you don’t make it part of your schedule, it won’t be part of theirs either. You don’t need to work harder. You need to get 𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗱𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝗼 𝗶𝗴𝗻𝗼𝗿𝗲. If you’re ready to shift from quietly capable to visibly in charge, join the waitlist for our next cohort of ⭐ From Hidden Talent to Visible Leader. ⭐ 🔗 Link in comments. 👊 If hard work alone were enough, you’d already be in the corner office.

There’s a quiet tension that many of us carry When you step into spaces that weren’t designed with you in mind. You’ve worked for the seat. You’ve earned your place. But when you get there, you feel it… That invisible pressure: To shrink. To soften your voice. To adjust the volume of your identity until it fits comfortably within someone else’s definition of "professional.” It’s not always said out loud. It’s in the looks. The microcorrections. The way your ideas are heard differently. The way your presence is treated like a disruption when it’s actually a contribution. You can be included in the room and still feel like you’re performing for acceptance. Because “diversity” is the invitation. But “belonging” is what happens when you no longer have to explain yourself to be understood. And for those of us from underrepresented or marginalised backgrounds That moment is often delayed, if it arrives at all. You were never meant to blend in. You were meant to broaden the lens. To bring the story, the rhythm, the lens that the room didn’t know it needed until you showed up. Things I’ve Learned Navigating Spaces That Were Never Built With People Like Me in Mind: 1. Don’t confuse proximity with power. Being in the room doesn’t always mean you have influence yet. But presence is the first form of disruption. And if you’re the first or the only, your very existence there is a signal that the status quo is shifting. 2. You don’t have to erase yourself to be respected. You don’t need to change your tone, name, cadence, or essence to sound “credible.” Authenticity is not a liability it’s a form of leadership. 3. Belonging is not about being accepted as you are it’s about being unchanged by the pressure to conform. And that’s a deeper kind of success: staying whole in systems that quietly ask you to split. Hetes some Practical tips for Navigating These Spaces With Integrity: 1. Show up without shrinking. You don’t owe anyone a diluted version of who you are. Rehearse being yourself in full—not just the version that’s easiest to digest. 2. Ask the uncomfortable questions—even when it shakes the room. Your silence won’t save you. Your voice might just save someone else. 3. Build a circle that reminds you who you are. Find mentors, peers, and mirrors who affirm your value outside of titles, roles, or recognition. If you’ve ever felt like you had to earn your belonging twice Once through performance, And again through proving you're not a threat… You’re not imagining it. You’re just navigating a world that hasn’t fully caught up with your presence. But keep showing up. Keep expanding the room. And when you feel the urge to shrink, remember this: You’re not here to fit in. You’re here to reshape what belonging looks like. For yourself and for everyone still waiting behind you.

When you’re an international woman in leadership, when is it bad to be good? And, most importantly, when is it good to be BaD? Don’t get me wrong, BaD doesn’t mean “bad”. It means quite the opposite. It means “Bold and Daring”. Not “Bold and Daring” in a superhero kind of way. We don't need a cape. But simply a BOLDER kind of clarity in meetings, presentations and calls, by DARING to move away from certain “good girl” behaviours and focus on 2 things: connection & impact. So to be clear, BaD leadership ISN’T about being impulsive, disrespectful or arrogant. It’s about (amongst others): - sharing your valuable ideas clearly without permission or apology. - using assertive empathy in difficult conversations and disagreements. - knowing how to gracefully break into discussions & hold off interruptions. And you know what else? The first step to becoming a BaD leader isn’t to learn more English. It’s to see and UNLEARN the unspoken rules we have for ourselves; those words we thought made us “bigger” but, instead, have kept us small.   You can find 4 of the most popular ones in the carousel. But please don’t stop there. Keep looking for the words that don’t work at work and wash away that old, outdated graffiti from the walls of your mind. PS: I’m on a mission: to help as many #goodgirlsgoBaD in their Business English as possible. Want to join me? What’s your view: what other “good girl behaviours” do we need to unlearn?   -------------------------------------------------- Hi, I’m Kelly. I help international women in leadership stop polishing and perfecting their English and start using the English they already have… in a more powerful way. #businessenglish #womeninbusiness #leadershipdevelopment #breakthegoodgirlmyth

🚨 Wake-up call: Black women face a battlefield disguised as a workplace. It's time we confront this head-on. The harsh truth: Shrinking to fit: Black women often diminish their brilliance, expertise, and understanding just to make others comfortable. Even their names become casualties in this war of conformity. Invisible then hyper-visible: Overlooked as leaders and innovators, until they're thrust into the spotlight as tokens. Glass cliffs await: When leadership roles open, they're often set up to fail. The double-edged sword of intersectionality: Race 🔗 Gender = A uniquely challenging experience Think about it: "Thriving at work is considered as a source of personal growth." But how can you thrive when you're busy shrinking? In white, male-dominated spaces, the pressure to conform is suffocating. Conceal your identity or risk being marked as "other." The tokenism trap: Added for appearance, not genuine inclusion Expected to represent an entire race and gender Set up as diversity window dressing, not empowered leaders This isn't just unfair. It's a waste of talent, innovation, and leadership potential. The question isn't whether this is happening. It's what are YOU doing about it? Leaders: Are you creating real opportunities or just checking diversity boxes? Colleagues: Are you amplifying Black women's voices or contributing to their silence? Organisations: Is your culture nurturing Black women's talents or forcing them to conform? It's time for real, systemic change. Not just words, but actions. Because a workplace where Black women can't bring their full, authentic selves isn't just failing them — it's failing everyone. Are you ready to be part of the solution? #BlackWomenLead #AuthenticLeadership #WorkplaceDiversity #IntersectionalityMatters

What’s really holding you back? Spoiler alert: It’s not your skills. How many times have you felt like you’re not up for the job? That you’re not qualified? Or that someone else could do it better? Here’s the reality: ➡️ 13% of employees and 20% of senior managers admit they frequently feel like a fraud. ➡️ 54% of women report experiencing imposter syndrome, compared to 38% of men. I get it, because I’ve been there. I used to struggle with being visible - giving speeches, creating content online, even doing TV interviews. Despite decades of experience, there was always a little voice in my head whispering: “Do people really want to hear from you? What if they laugh at you?” Here’s the truth: It’s not based on facts - it’s just the noise in our heads. Here’s how you can overcome imposter syndrome and show up like you deserve to: 1/ The Imposter Loop ↳ You doubt every win and question every achievement. ↳ Own your story: You earned your seat at the table. ↳ Write down three wins you’re proud of. Seeing them silences the noise. 2/ The Permission Trap ↳ You wait to feel ready or for someone to say “go.” ↳ Stop waiting: Start before you’re ready. ↳ Set a deadline and commit publicly - action builds momentum faster than waiting for confidence to strike. 3/ The Comparison Game ↳ You stalk others’ success and compare your chapter 1 to their chapter 20. ↳ Run your own race: Their doubts, fears, and failures aren’t in the highlight reel. ↳ Unfollow or mute accounts that trigger self-doubt. Focus on progress, not perfection. 4/ The Perfectionism Loop ↳ You polish endless drafts, overthink every detail, and never feel “good enough.” ↳ Launch at 80%: Fix it in flight. Done is better than perfect. ↳ Set a timer for your next task and stop when it’s ‘good enough.’ Progress beats perfection every time. 5/ The Silence Spiral ↳ You keep your struggles hidden and pretend you’ve got it all figured out. ↳ Share your story: You’ll be surprised how many people say “me too.” ↳ Find a peer or mentor and share one struggle you’re facing. Vulnerability builds connection. 6/ The Safety Net ↳ You stay in your comfort zone and call it “being realistic.” ↳ Take the leap: Growth lives outside your comfort zone. ↳ Identify one “safe” habit you’re clinging to. Replace it with one bold action, no matter how small. 7/ The Knowledge Shield ↳ You hide behind preparation, waiting to know “just one more thing.” ↳ Start doing: Expertise comes from action. ↳ Turn learning into doing: Commit to acting on one idea from the last book, course, or workshop you completed. What would be possible if you silenced those doubts once and for all? For me, it meant saying yes to opportunities I used to avoid - like speaking on stage and sharing my story. ⤵️ Have you ever felt like a fraud despite your accomplishments? How did you work through it? ♻️ Share this post to remind someone they’re not alone. 🔔 Follow me, Jen Blandos, for advice on business, entrepreneurship, and well-being.

🤔 Chapter Three of my best-selling debut book, I'm Not Yelling, is called "Imposter Syndrome or Imposter Treatment?" Last week I celebrated the ONE-YEAR anniversary of my book, so I wanted to share an excerpt from Chapter Three, where I explain why I call this phenomenon imposter TREATMENT, rather than imposter SYNDROME: "Usually when people, particularly women and specifically Black women, say we have “imposter syndrome,” we’re talking about the dictionary definition—something within us." "I started to wonder why I had latched onto this phrase to explain and define my feelings. But the more I looked at the definition, the more I began to see that it didn’t fit my experience at all." "I’m not saying it’s totally invalid, and maybe it applies to other people. But it didn’t apply to me, because I knew I was accomplished. I had the background and experience to get the job done. I didn’t feel like I would be exposed as a fraud at all!" "And I also started to explore my feelings in those spaces. Was it really me who had persistent doubts—or did people who didn’t look like me and were the majority in those places express doubts in my ability either explicitly or implicitly? It became clear that, in fact, my malaise came from outside of me, from the hostile spaces I stepped into." "I understood the assignment in every space I inhabited. And I always got an A+. I performed over and above others who didn’t look like me and were mediocre. But they still managed to get the promotions and raises that I wasn’t “qualified” to receive. I had to endure being spoken over, having to recite my resume to convince people to listen to my ideas and take me seriously. Then I still had to perform twice as well to prove my worth. I worked through lunch and never left the office early because I didn’t want anyone to say the Black girl was “lazy.” "After putting my experience in context, I decided to stop referring to myself as having “imposter syndrome.” The truth of the matter was that I didn’t feel like an imposter. I had been treated like one. I had internalized the message that I was a fraud when I was Black girl magic personified!" "Not referring to myself as having “imposter syndrome” and walking in the power that I wasn’t one (and never had been) changed my life. It’s not to say that I don’t have fears, but I am aware of my strengths and my power. And the things I don’t know, I can work on to get better." "However, I know that the statistics about imposter syndrome as a phenomenon that many women feel they are experiencing are staggering. The effects of this feeling are real, regardless of my claim that it’s not our own feelings that lead to imposter syndrome. It’s the fact that we are treated like imposters that leads to these feelings of doubt when we navigate predominantly white spaces." There's still time to purchase I'm Not Yelling before the New Year! 🍾 Link in the comments below. 👇🏽 #careers #manangement #motivation #bestadvice #culture

No visibility, no opportunities. That was a hard lesson I had to learn. There was an unwritten rule where I worked: the more junior you were, the further back you sat. As an introvert, this worked for me. I didn’t want to be seen anyway. Even after getting promoted into management, I still chose to sit at the back—until I started hearing: "Where is Lissa?" That was my wake-up call. I realized that visibility matters. If people don’t see you, they may not recognize your leadership, expertise, or potential. Taking a seat at the table was nerve-wracking at first. But I did it. I kept showing up, and over time, I stopped questioning whether I belonged at the front. What changed? 👉🏽 Embracing imperfection: Growth comes from mistakes and risks. Every challenge is an opportunity to build your confidence muscle. 👉🏽 Celebrating wins – Big or small, acknowledging your achievements reinforces what you're capable of. 👉🏽 Leverage confidence from other areas of my life – Draw on successes from hobbies, sports, or personal experiences to strengthen your professional presence. Now you may be thinking... ❌ "I'm not naturally confident." → Confidence is built through action, not something you're born with. ❌ "What if I fail?" → Failure is part of the process. Every leader you admire has faced setbacks. ❌ "I prefer to stay behind the scenes." → You can be visible and impactful without being the loudest person in the room. What’s one small move you can make next week to be more visible at work? Drop it in the comments! 👇🏽 #LeadingQuietly #IntrovertAtWork

I have a confession… I was a chronic people-pleaser. And now I'm on the journey to recover from my people-pleasing tendency. For years, I danced to the rhythm of others' expectations. Saying 'yes' when my gut & heart screamed 'no'. Trapped in a cycle of validation, Afraid that setting boundaries would make me unlikable. 🌱 The root of people-pleasing isn't just about wanting to be liked. It's deeper. Tangled in our insecurities, coping mechanism and past experiences. I learned the hard way: 𝐁𝐲 𝐩𝐮𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐬' 𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝𝐬 𝐛𝐞𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐦𝐲 𝐨𝐰𝐧 → I was neglecting myself. ❌ Saying 'yes' to everything isn't kindness. It's a betrayal of our own needs and well-being. So, I embarked on a journey to unlearn my people-pleasing habits. Here’s what I found effective: 1️⃣ 𝐑𝐞𝐟𝐥𝐞𝐜𝐭 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐖𝐡𝐲 Understanding why I felt compelled to please was illuminating. It stemmed from a fear of not being enough. → Acknowledging this was my first step toward change. 2️⃣ 𝐏𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐞 𝐒𝐚𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐍𝐨 This was terrifying at first. But, like a muscle, my ability to refuse without guilt grew stronger with practice. 3️⃣ 𝐒𝐞𝐭 𝐂𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐁𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 Learning to set boundaries was a form of self-respect. It communicated to others that my time, energy, and feelings were valuable. 4️⃣ 𝐒𝐞𝐞𝐤 𝐒𝐮𝐩𝐩𝐨𝐫𝐭 Having a supportive community that respected my boundaries and encouraged my healing was invaluable. The key takeaways from my recovery journey: ✨ Your self-worth isn’t measured by how much you can do for others. ✨ Being assertive about your needs does not make you selfish. ✨ It's okay to prioritise YOU. To anyone struggling with people-pleasing: Setting boundaries is not only about saying 'no' to others. → But saying 'yes' to yourself. PS: Are you a recovering people-pleaser? Tell me more! Let's start a conversation 👇 Your story could inspire others to journey towards authenticity and healing. ❤️

I often hear from introverts that they struggle to make an impact at work without seeming pushy or inauthentic. The good news: you don't need to become an extrovert to earn respect. Did you know that 82% of our workplace impressions are based on warmth and competence? That means, how you present yourself - your body language, tone, and word choice - matters more than how much you talk. After coaching countless introverted professionals, I've identified 3 tactical approaches that transform how they're perceived: 1. Make a good impressions through physical presence Stand or sit with shoulders back and chest slightly open. This "postural expansion" not only signals confidence to others but actually makes you feel more confident internally. Make strong eye contact, smile warmly, and use a firm handshake or clear greeting: "Hi [Name], great to see you!" This combination of warmth and competence creates immediate respect. 2. Contribute early in group settings Aim to say something within the first 5-10 minutes of any meeting. It doesn't need to be groundbreaking—a thoughtful question or brief comment works: "I appreciate [Name]'s point about X. I think it connects to Y." When you do speak, use downward inflection at the end of your sentences. Instead of "I think this approach might work?" say "I think this approach might work." The difference is subtle but powerful. 3. Leverage the spotlight effect Most people are too focused on themselves to scrutinize you (this is the spotlight effect). Use this knowledge to redirect attention by asking about others: "What's been the most exciting part of your project lately?" This takes pressure off you while making colleagues feel valued - building connection and respect simultaneously. ____ The truth is, getting respect doesn’t mean being the loudest in the room. It's about being intentional with your presence and creating moments of genuine interaction. These small adjustments have massive impact. Which one will you try first?