Developing Emotional Coping Skills

In 2008, Michael Phelps won Olympic GOLD - completely blind. The moment he dove in, his goggles filled with water. But he kept swimming. Most swimmers would’ve fallen apart. Phelps didn’t - because he had trained for chaos, hundreds of times. His coach, Bob Bowman, would break his goggles, remove clocks, exhaust him deliberately. Why? Because when you train under stress, performance becomes instinct. Psychologists call this stress inoculation. When you expose yourself to small, manageable stress: - Your amygdala (fear centre) becomes less reactive. - Your prefrontal cortex (logic centre) stays calmer under pressure. Phelps had rehearsed swimming blind so often that it felt normal. He knew the stroke count. He hit the wall without seeing it. And won GOLD by 0.01 seconds. The same science is why: - Navy SEALs tie their hands and practice underwater survival. - Astronauts simulate system failures in zero gravity. - Emergency responders train inside burning buildings. And you can build it too. Here’s how: ✅ Expose yourself to small discomforts. Take cold showers. Wake up 30 minutes earlier. Speak up in meetings. The goal is to build confidence that you can handle hard things. ✅ Use quick stress resets. Try cyclic sighing: Inhale deeply through your nose. Take a second small inhale. Exhale slowly through your mouth. Repeat 3-5 times to calm your system fast. ✅ Strengthen emotional endurance. Instead of avoiding difficult conversations, hard tasks, or feedback - lean into them. Facing small emotional challenges trains you for bigger ones later. ✅ Celebrate small victories. Every time you stay calm, adapt, or keep going under pressure - recognise it. These tiny wins are building your mental "muscle memory" for resilience. As a new parent, I know my son Krish will face his own "goggles-filled-with-water" moments someday. So the best I can do is model resilience myself. Because resilience isn’t gifted - it’s trained. And when you train your brain for chaos, you can survive anything. So I hope you do the same. If this made you pause, feel free to repost and share the thought. #healthandwellness #mentalhealth #stress

𝐍𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐏𝐥𝐚𝐲 𝐌𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲: 𝐂𝐨𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐖𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐌𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐬 As a sport psychologist, I often talk to athletes about coping with negative emotions following an error (e.g., dropped ball, misplaced pass, or a missed penalty), and how their reaction to mistakes is very important. It is important that athletes (and people) don't dwell on mistakes when they are still in the performance situation - reflection can occur later - and manage their emotions quickly to continue performing so that one mistake does not impact the remainder of the performance. This allows them to prepare for the next play or involvement. This video highlights why this is so important - Ronaldo fails to score from a free kick, outside the box, and within a matter of seconds, he has another opportunity to score. If athletes dwell too on a mistake or a setback and don't cope effectively with negative emotions, they may not be ready for their next opportunity. I have researched coping and coping effectiveness among elite athletes for over twenty years, but this is the first time I have considered the speed at which a person can alleviate negative emotions to be critical. 𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗶𝘀 𝗘𝗺𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻-𝗙𝗼𝗰𝘂𝘀𝗲𝗱 𝗖𝗼𝗽𝗶𝗻𝗴? Coping strategies used to regulate emotional distress during a stressful episode are considered emotion-focused coping strategies (Lazarus & Folkman, 1984). 4️⃣ 𝗦𝘁𝗲𝗽𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝗖𝗼𝗽𝗲 𝗘𝗳𝗳𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲𝗹𝘆 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗡𝗲𝗴𝗮𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗘𝗺𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 𝗗𝘂𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗖𝗼𝗺𝗽𝗲𝘁𝗶𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 1️⃣ Recognise how you feel after a stressful incident (i.e., lost point, poor shot, or wrong call from an official). 2️⃣ Accept this feeling. 3️⃣ Deploy an appropriate emotion-focused coping strategy. This will depend on what has happened and the time available to cope, but it could include any of the following:  🌬️ Deep Breathing 🖼️ Re-evaluate or reframe the situation 🙂 Forgive yourself for a mistake 💬 Engage in self-talk 👥 Seek social support 4️⃣ Generate a challenge state to create a positive emotion. Research has shown that challenge states can cause positive emotions (Thompson et al., 2020). Do this by: Focus on what you want to happen during the next point or next play and how you will achieve this. Reference. Mark Thompson PhD, John Toner, John Perry, Rachel Burke, PhD, & Adam Nicholls. (2020). Stress appraisals influence athletic performance and psychophysiological response during 16.1 km cycling time trials. Psychology of Sport & Exercise, (2020), 101682.

Self-Awareness is Foundational to Wellbeing, Resilience and Leadership After debriefing 1,500+ individual WE-I Assessments with primarily healthcare leaders and caregivers, here is the most common question I get: "What's the one thing that will have the greatest impact on my emotional intelligence?" My answer is always the same: 🔥🔥🔥 Self-Awareness.🔥🔥🔥 🔥 Here's what I mean by self-awareness. 👉You notice your emotional patterns. 👉You recognize you get defensive when someone questions your decisions. 👉You know you shut down when meetings run over. 👉You understand that criticism hits harder on days when you're already stressed.  👉You see you prioritize completing tasks over building relationships through collaboration because you think it saves time. 🔥Most people operate on emotional autopilot. A situation is triggering. They react without reflecting, then wonder why the same problems show up in relationships and at work. 🔥 Self-aware people do things differently. 💪 They catch the pattern before it plays out completely. 💪 They check in with themselves about what drives their choices rather than reacting quickly to problems that require more deliberate solutions. 💪They think: "I'm getting that familiar feeling in my chest when someone challenges me. This is defensiveness kicking in. Let me be curious about what they're saying or what I can learn." 🔥We don't eliminate or suppress emotions. We acknowledge them early enough to consider the broader context and make intentional choices that align with our values. 🙌 When we know our patterns, we work through what serves us instead of being controlled by reactive, unregulated emotions. 🙌 We prepare with intention for situations that have triggered us in the past. 🙌 We communicate our needs. 🙌 We ask for what we need to be successful. 🔥Self-awareness is the most impactful EQ skill to cultivate. It's the gateway to developing all other EQ skills. 👉We can't manage what we don't notice. 👉We can't improve what we don't acknowledge. 👉We can't change patterns we don't see. 👉What situations trigger your reactivity?  👉Do you “people please” to avoid distressing emotions?  👉Do you dismiss people who don’t agree with you? 🔥🔥🔥 Consistency is key: 👉Review your schedule at the start of every day. o Anticipate which projects or situations may trigger your pattern. o Visualize yourself practicing curiosity and humility while taking a few extra deep breaths. 👉Review your workday before transitioning to personal time.  o Notice when you were present and regulated and when you felt triggered. o What were the circumstances?  o How did you react in the moment? o How well did you nurture your relationships at work? o What could you do differently or better next time? o Take deep, slow breaths to clear your mind. o Practice self-compassion.

Continuing my thoughts on Emotional Intelligence and how this can benefit my role as an Executive Assistant I would like to dive into self-regulation. Emotional intelligence (EI) and self-regulation go hand in hand, especially in high-pressure roles like being an Executive Assistant. What is Self-Regulation? Self-regulation is the ability to manage your emotions, thoughts, and behaviors in different situations—staying in control even when things get stressful or unpredictable. Why is Self-Regulation Important for EAs? As an EA, you’re the calm in the storm (even if you don't think you are). Your executive (and the team) will look to you as a steady presence. Self-regulation helps you: ✔ Respond instead of react – Instead of snapping in frustration, you pause, assess, and handle the situation professionally. ✔ Stay composed under pressure – Tight deadlines, last-minute changes, or difficult personalities? You handle them without losing your cool. ✔ Make clear-headed decisions – When emotions are in check, your decision-making is sharper. ✔ Maintain professionalism – An EA’s reputation depends on how they manage themselves, not just their executive’s calendar. Ways to Strengthen Self-Regulation as an EA 💡 Pause Before Responding – If an email or conversation triggers frustration, take a breath before replying. A thoughtful response is always better than a knee-jerk reaction. 💡 Master the Art of Composure – Body language and tone matter. Even if you're stressed, presenting a calm exterior helps maintain credibility. 💡 Recognize Your Triggers – Are there certain situations or people that push your buttons? Identifying them helps you prepare and manage your reactions better. 💡 Develop Coping Strategies – Whether it’s stepping outside for fresh air, taking a moment to breathe, or having a go-to phrase to center yourself (like “I’ve got this”), find what helps you stay in control. 💡 Reframe Challenges – Instead of seeing obstacles as stressors, view them as opportunities to showcase problem-solving skills. 💡 Practice Emotional Agility – Accept that emotions are natural but don’t let them dictate your actions. Acknowledge feelings, process them, and then move forward with intention. As an EA, your ability to self-regulate allows you to be the steady. When you master self-regulation, you don’t just manage tasks—you lead with influence.

STOP LOSING YOUR SH*T & LEARN TO MASTER YOUR EMOTIONS.   Recently, I watched a president of a company lose his temper.   He screamed, swore, stomped around, threw things, & slammed the door. He was completely out of control. And his behavior was absolutely unacceptable.   As educated, capable leaders, we must hold ourselves to a higher standard.   You must master your emotions, because over reacting can cost you everything.    ❌ People go to prison for one reaction.   ❌ People lose their jobs for one reaction.   ❌ People lose their relationships for one reaction.   The good news is that it doesn’t have to be that way.   You can learn to master your emotions & respond instead of react:   1. Increase Your Self-Awareness: Develop a deep understanding of your emotions. Regularly check in with yourself to identify how you're feeling and why.   2. Develop Emotional Intelligence: Study emotions in depth & understand how your emotions impact others.   3. Practice Mindfulness and Meditation: Use these techniques to observe your emotions without judgment, self soothe & avoid impulsive reactions.   4. Recognize Triggers: Identify your emotional triggers, such as situations, people, or specific thoughts. Knowing your triggers can prevent reactivity.   5. Engage in Breathwork: Deep, slow breathing calms your nervous system. When overwhelmed, pause & focus on your breath, inhale deeply through your nose & exhale slowly out your mouth.   6. Explore Progressive Muscle Relaxation: This technique involves tensing & then relaxing each muscle group in your body to reduce physical tension that accompanies strong emotions.   7. Learn Cognitive Restructuring: Once you develop deeper levels of self awareness, you can challenge irrational or distorted thoughts that cause intense emotions.   8. Practice Emotional Labeling: Use precise words to pinpoint your feelings & manage them effectively. 9. Amplify Your Empathy: Develop empathy for yourself & others by seeing the situation from their perspective.   10. Utilize Healthy Outlets: Find healthy ways to release your intense emotions, such as breathwork or physical exercise.   11. Incorporate Stress Reduction Techniques: Daily stress reduction practices such as exercise, a healthy diet, adequate sleep, & time management are critical for emotional regulation.   12. Check for Side Effects: Certain medications & supplements, especially those related to hormones, can adversely impact your mood. Talk to your physician if you think this may be an issue for you.   13. Seek Professional Help: If emotional regulation remains a significant challenge, consult a therapist, counselor, or qualified coach to provide you with personalized guidance & support.   Learning emotional regulation is a valuable skill that can greatly improve your life, both personally and professionally.   To be your best & achieve your highest levels of success, YOU MUST MASTER YOUR EMOTIONS.   👉 Do you agree?

Struggling with emotional overwhelm at work? My story might help. I once worked overtime to meet a tight deadline. I poured my heart into it and felt proud of the work. The next day, I received feedback: My departmental head said it was too long. A teammate said some information was outdated. What hit me more was that a meeting was held without me to discuss it. My eyes welled up with tears. After this experience, I confided in a colleague from another department. Their encouragement and fresh perspective helped me transform my mindset and approach to handling emotions at work. Here’s how I now manage my emotions at work: 1. Pause and Breathe Take a moment to pause and breathe when emotions surge. ↳ Inhale deeply. ↳ Hold and exhale slowly to calm your nervous system. 2. Identify the Trigger Understand why you’re reacting. ↳ Is it fear of failure, feeling undervalued, or perfectionism? 3. Reframe the Situation View feedback or challenges as growth opportunities. ↳ Transform negative experiences into valuable learning moments. 4. Emotional Intelligence Being aware of and controlling your emotions. ↳ Handle relationships with empathy. 5. Seek Support Talk it out with a trusted colleague or mentor. ↳ Get clarity and support from a different perspective. Managing emotions at work is a journey. → It takes time, patience, and practice. Remember, it’s not about suppressing your emotions but understanding and managing them. With each step, you’ll build resilience and a more composed presence in the workplace. How do you handle emotional overwhelm at work? Share your thoughts and experiences below #LinkedInNewsEurope #workculture #jobtips

A great technique for not getting derailed when experiencing brief but intense emotions is "opposite action". This is simply doing the opposite of what your emotions tell you to do in an effort to neutralize them. Some examples of taking opposite action: ➡ If you just got some bad news and are feeling sad, your emotions may tell you to withdraw. Instead, call a friend and make plans to go to lunch. ➡ If you're feeling embarrassed about a silly but ultimately low-stakes mistake you made, your emotions may tell you to ruminate over how you could have performed differently. Instead, tell the story to someone who will understand and maybe even help you laugh about it. Last week, I got some minorly upsetting news that made me angry. I knew my anger was temporary and the situation wasn't that deep. My emotions told me it would be fun to vent and possibly rile others up. Instead, I acted oppositely and reached out to a couple of people who had recently helped me with brief notes of appreciation. In less than ten minutes, the anger was completely neutralized. The point of opposite action isn't to invalidate your feelings. Rather, it's a coping skill based on neuroscience that says that our actions can sway our emotions. When our emotions feel out of hand, opposite action disrupts the neural circuits that are reinforcing the unpleasant emotion - which allows us to move on and, over time, become more resilient. #EmotionalIntelligence #ResilienceAtWork #CopingSkills

Imagine standing at the pinnacle of your career, having achieved a coveted spot in the MIT Executive MBA program, only to be blindsided by one damaging piece of anonymous feedback in a 360 leadership evaluation: "Angelique needs to stop acting like a petulant child!" 🤬Angry and embarrassed, my first reaction was to ignore it. When my MIT-sponsored executive coach, who was reviewing all of my leadership assessment data, asked if I wanted to address it,  I said, “No. I know who wrote that. He just has it out for me,” 🤔But the more I thought about it, the more I had to admit there might be some truth to his comments.  A few months later, I brought it up. 🙄😤“You know what? I think there might be something to this feedback. Sometimes I get so frustrated at work that I roll my eyes or huff in exasperation.” While I think it is OK to get frustrated at work, I don’t like having these visible reactions that make me seem like I’m not in control of my emotions. And if I’m honest, in those moments, I don’t feel like I’m in control of my emotions, either. “I can see how these reactions leave a negative impression on my colleagues, so I would like to spend some time working on it.” So we did. And it changed everything. With my coach’s help, I was able to hone my ability to regulate my emotions and reclaim control even in the toughest of situations. I took what she taught me, and I put it into a step-by-step process that I call The Poker Face Playbook. ➡️Whether you roll your eyes, yell, slam doors, or burst into tears, uncontrolled displays of emotion can hinder your ability to feel confident and your ability to appear confident. Leaders need both, so if you struggle to keep your composure, you might try this process: 1️⃣Brainstorm Your Tough Situations. 2️⃣Develop an “Enjoy/Dread” List by reflecting on Why these situations impact you. 3️⃣Develop a Rescue Plan of strategies you could use to help you through. 4️⃣Test Out Your Rescue Plan. 5️⃣Debrief. 6️⃣Develop a One-page Summary of Your Plan for Reference. 🌟Get the detailed playbook and my personal examples in the newsletter: How I Learned to Keep My Composure In Tough Situations. 🔗Link in comments. #innovation #entrepreneurship #engineering #leadership #management #personaldevelopment